Always Going Back
by gafann
Summary: After 2.25, MerDer.
1. Chapter 1

"_Now is not the time to talk about this. We'll talk about this later," Derek says before he turns around._

"_What, walk away? That's all I get?" Addison could feel herself getting angrier by the second. She could not take this anymore. She was not going to live under another woman's shadow her whole life._

"_Just calm down, please-," he was cut off by her yelling. He knew now he wasn't going to get away from this fight._

"_What? What? You're not going to yell at me, or call me names, or…I, I don't know...ignore me in an elevator?" She looked at him, searching for some kind of recognition in his eyes._

"_What do you want from me Addison?"_

"_I want you to care! I sleep with your best friend and you walk away. He comes out here and rubs it in your face, and still you get a good night sleep. What do I have to do? Oh! I know, maybe what I should do is go out on a date with the vet because that seems to be something that sends you into a blind rage! Oh, but wait, that wouldn't work either, because I'm not Meredith Grey!"_

_Suddenly the entire hospital went silent. The once happily married couple looks down from the catwalk they are standing on to see all of their friends looking up, witnessing their marital spat. Derek looks down and sees one person, and one person only. Meredith. She looks back at him and she can feel his pain. She knows that every inch of his body wants out of that dead-end relationship…_

Later that night, all Derek could think about, lying there in bed, alone, was Meredith. He knew his marriage was over, but that didn't concern him anymore. He thought about her until he couldn't stand lying there anymore. He thought about her laugh, her smile, her hair, that intoxicating smell she had. His mind was a flash flood of memories. He remembered the night they met, at the bar. He remembered following her into her house and immediately pulling her into a kiss. Even then, their chemistry soared. He had never experience anything like this girl before. Nothing had ever had this effect on him.

He couldn't take it anymore. He got up out of bed, threw on a shirt, and practically ran to his car. It was pouring, but it didn't matter. He had to find her. He drove in the direction towards her house, but decided he would try Joe's first. After Addison's outburst at work, if he knew Meredith like he thought he did, she would have needed a drink. He drove, hitting almost ever stoplight on the way. He fumbled for his cell phone and typed in Meredith number. It went straight to voice mail. Her phone was off, but he left a message anyways. "Mere, it's me. I need to talk to you. Please call me…I, I lo-, I…just call me, please," he begged, and hung up his phone.

He parked, the car and sat for a second. He just thought about what he was going to say. He worked out an entire speech. Derek would tell Meredith how much he loved her and how big of a mistake he'd made with Addison. He would do everything he could to get her back.

Derek ran from his car to Joe's Bar. He opened the door and his eyes found her. She was sitting at the bar rail, with several up-side-down shot glasses in front of her. She looked so small and frail. He couldn't believe he's hurt her so badly.

He walked over to her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around on the bar stool to face him. As she turned, he could smell the Lavender smell that was so uniquely hers. It sent shivers throughout his body. God, he loved her.

Meredith's world was spinning. She tried to brace herself by clinging to the arm that had spun her around. She looked at the floor because that was the only thing that wasn't doing flips in her head. Then, when everything stopped moving so quickly, she looked up, with tears in her eyes, to see the man she had been crying over.

He was starring at her, ready to give her his well-thought out speech. He was looking at her with those eyes that made it hard for her to breathe. She had to remind herself to breathe in, and breathe out.

Derek couldn't speak. He could only stare at her. It killed him that he had hurt her so badly. "Derek…" she whispered. "What….are…What are you doing here?" She put her hand on her forehead, trying to process everything that had just happened.

He didn't say a word, he just leaned in and kissed her. It was the most passionate kiss they had ever shared. Meredith could feel her stomach doing flips. She forced herself to pull away "You're married," was all she could say.

"Mere," he started. He couldn't stop staring at her. She was so remarkable beautiful, and he had missed her so badly. "I love you."

She took a sharp breath in. "Derek, we can't do this," she stood up, balancing herself on the counter top at first. Derek helped her by holding on to her waist. She reached into her pocket, grabbed a twenty, and left it on the table. "Bye, Joe."

Joe nodded at her, and looked at Derek. He gave him a look that had a voice of it's own, saying "Don't you hurt her," and Derek knew it.

"Derek, get your hands off me," she said, pushing his hands from her sides.

"Meredith, we have to talk."

"Talk about what? Talk about your wife? Or how you think I'm a whore?" Her voice broke.

"Mere, I don't want to do this anymore. I want you. I need you! Please. We have to talk."

Meredith could feel his words hit her. It felt like a ton of weights dropped on her. She tried to push past him, to the door, but he grabbed her arms and forced her to look at him. "Don't leave. This isn't over. It was never over."

"We're not talking here," she told him. She pushed herself free from his grasp, and walked out the door. He followed her, back outside into the rain. She got half way to her car and she turned around to yell at him, "How could you do that to me? I told you. I told you I love you. I told you to choose me, and you chose her. You picked her, Derek!"

"I know," he said quietly, defeated.

"You broke up with me. Remember that?"

"Yes…but-,"

"No. No you don't get to make up excuses. You don't get to come here and tell me that you love me. It's not fair. It's not fair, Derek!"

She turned to walk back to her car and he ran in front of her. "Give me your keys."

"No. Get away from me."

Derek took her keys from her grasp. "I'm taking you home. You can't drive like this."

"I'm fine."

"Mere, you can't even walk a straight line. Get in the car," he opened his passenger side door for her. She looked at him, and reluctantly got in the car. She knew she was in no shape to drive home, but she didn't want to admit that to him.

The drive back to her house was one giant argument. They pulled into her drive-way, and Derek turned off his car. He took the keys from the ignition and put them in his lap. He threw his head back on the headrest behind him, and hit his fist on the steering wheel. Meredith just sat there quietly. She didn't know what she wanted to say.

"I'm so sorry," he said, softly. "I never wanted this to happen…" Meredith shifted in her seat and waited for him to say something else. "I need you, Mere. I can't do this anymore. I can't spend everyday looking at you, wishing that I had you again."

A tear fell down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. Derek got out of the car and walked around to her side. He opened her door and helped her out. Then he closed the door behind her and she leaned up against the car, "I love you," he said. "I'm sorry."

Meredith looked back and forth into his eyes. "I love you, too," she admitted. She put her hand on his face and leaned in to kiss him. As soon as their lips touched, they felt a surge of energy rush through them. It was a familiar feeling they had both missed terribly.

Derek pushed his body against hers, pinning her up against his car. They were both soaking wet, but it meant nothing to them. He wrapped his left arm around her waist, pulling her as close as he could get her, and he ran his other hand through her hair. Their lips crashed together in a moment of passion that left them both breathless.

Meredith could feel warmness spread throughout her entire body. It made her body shake. She felt for the waistband of his pants and pulled up at his shirt. He let her pull it off, over his head, only breaking them apart for a brief second. It was the longest second of his life. His shirt hit the ground outside, as thunder rolled in the sky. It was loud enough to feel every rumble deep in their chests.

Derek ran his hand under her shirt, up her back. It gave Meredith goose bumps as he started to kiss his way from her neck, to the exposed part of her chest from the partly unbuttoned top she had on. He took apart each button individually as he kissed lower and lower, until her shirt was on the ground next to his. He kissed her again, full of passion, as he fumbled with the zipper on her jeans.

"Inside," she panted. This couldn't happen, not out here.

They didn't leave each other's arms. They tripped over themselves as they tried to kiss their way to the front door of her house. Meredith reached into her front pocket and grabbed her house key. She quickly turned away from Derek, and tried to fit the key in the door lock. Her drunk, shaking hands weren't helping, and neither were Derek's kisses on the back of her neck, or his hands pulling her hips closer to him.

The butterflies soared through her stomach as she pushed the door open. She stepped inside and Derek closed the door behind them. She kicked off her shoes and shrugged off her pants before Derek pushed her up against the wall and showered her with more kisses. She let out a moan as his hands roamed all over her body. Derek quickly took off his pants, followed by his boxers. His snaked his fingers into Meredith's panties, giving her a light feel before gently pulling them down her silky soft legs. Meredith undid her bra, and as easily as that, they were both completely exposed.

It felt so natural. Almost like clothes didn't exist. Derek grabbed a hold of her thighs and picked her up, wrapping her legs around his back. She let out that giggle that he loved, and smiled at him. It made his heart soar. He absolutely loved everything about her.

They had been waiting for this far too long. Their lips met again, and Derek moaned into her mouth. He pulled away for a second and looked her in the eyes. She did the same, and they knew they were both ready.

He lifted her slightly and shifted himself inside her with one swift, powerful motion. She let her head fall back as a whimper involuntarily left her throat. He left a trail of kisses from her jaw line to her ear. She could hear every panting breath he had, and it drove her crazy.

His hands found their way back down to her hips. He grasped tighter with every move they made. Slowly at first, their movements started to quicken. Meredith's breathing had become increasingly erratic. He loved watching her lose control. Her head fell to the side and she groaned out in sheer pleasure. "Derek!" She shrieked.

He smiled into her skin. He loved knowing he drove her crazy. "Mmmm…," he felt her nails scrape down his back.

He moved them from the wall down to the floor. He hovered above her started to move quicker inside her. She moaned with each new spot he hit. He grabbed her knee and bent her leg up and to the side, for a better angle to get deeper with every thrust. She gasped as he started to hit all the ideal spots. Her body started shaking as she felt her orgasm building up. Her back arched and she grasped his shoulders to brace herself. Then it happened, her body let go. She felt a rush of heat run from her head to her toes. She cried out, "Derek, oh my God!"

As soon as she snapped back to reality, he rolled them over, putting her on top. He was exhausted from doing all the work, and he was ready to let her take control.

She knew exactly what he liked, from so many times before. She let him control her movements with his hands on her ass. Her muscles contracted every time she lifted up. It was driving him closer and closer to the edge. She leaned forward to kiss him. He moaned her name as he got closer.

He was going to wait for her. He unexpectedly rolled them back over, and went to work on her again. When she reached her climax a second time, he let go as well, releasing himself inside of her.

When they were finish they rolled apart into the floor and panted until they could catch their breath again. "That was…" Meredith started to say, but she had no words to describe how amazing the past hour had been.

"Perfect," he slid his arm underneath her, and pulled her closer to him. He didn't want to be away from her anymore.

Meredith rolled onto her side, and looked at him, "Move in with me."

"You want me to move in with you?" He was stunned.

"I want you here. I don't want to lose you again."

He smiled at her, "You realize that we're both going to be extremely sleep deprived," he laughed as he kissed her softly.

"I can deal with that," she giggled.

"Ok," he agreed. "I love you, Mere, and I want to be with you. Forever."

….to be continued?


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith awoke the next morning to a ringing. She slowly sat up, feeling the hangover kicking in from the night before. She was a tangled mess in the sheets of her bed. Her elbow brushed against something soft and warm. She looked over to see Derek fast asleep, laying next to her. _Ringing. What is that ringing?_ She looked around and found it was coming from Derek's pants on the floor. She reached down and slid the phone out of the pocket of his jeans. The phone's caller ID read: Addison.

Derek stirred beside her. He opened his eyes and smiled that he was lying next to his love, "Good morning," he whispered, planting small kisses from her shoulder to her neck. She could feel the butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

She handed his phone to him, the screen showed five missed calls. "She's been calling you all morning, I think." Meredith, wrapped herself in the blanket she was tangled in and walked over to her bathroom.

"Don't be mad," he tried, searching her face for any kind of emotion.

"I'm not mad."

"You don't look happy," he tried.

She stood and looked back and forth into his eyes. "What am I supposed to say? I'm not happy about the fact your wife is calling, looking for you. I love you, Derek, but I know this is hurting her. You need to talk to her."

He sat up, "I am. Tonight. I'll talk to her tonight."

He sounded convincing. "Ok." She turned and continued to walk into the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

"To shower. I have rounds in an hour," she said, motioning to the clock next to him. He laid back down, and decided he would try to get a little more sleep before they had to leave.

Once they were both showered and ready, they headed downstairs into the kitchen. Derek poured himself a bowl of cereal, as always, while Meredith picked up a piece of left-over pizza from the day before. "Are you really going to eat that?" He looked at her. She gave him a smile and bit into it. They both laughed. "I don't know how you can handle pizza in the morning."

"Hurry up, we're going to be late," she grabbed her thermos and filled it with coffee that Izzy must have made earlier that morning. She walked over and stood next to him, so he pulled her down onto his lap.

"I'm going to take my time and enjoy waking up in the morning with the woman I love. I took advantage of those days before."

"Well, as long as all goes well today with Addison, you'll get to spend every morning you want here," she looked at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

"I will. She's probably going to stay in the trailer until she can get a flight back to New York."

"You can stay here," she offered. He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Let's go, I can't afford to be late. I'm going to get enough crap from everyone that heard what happened last night, I don't need my friends to have any other reason to be mad at me."

They left and went to the hospital for what they knew was going to be a long day.


End file.
